Wow! Another entry so soon!
After last night's post, I was reading my favorite blogs today and came across this post from Kevin and Amanda. It's about starting a new week, new month, new year and new decade on Monday, January 4th and the freshness that comes with a new start. Of course this was my birthday and fit so well with what I am feeling about starting a new year with a new attitude.
Enjoy the article and subscribe to her blog, she is a very talented artist and awesome blogger!
http://www.kevinandamanda.com/whatsnew/
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Monday, January 11, 2010
New Year, New Age, New Prayer
Well here it is, 2010. Wow!
The New Year brought a new birthday, number 34. I spent the entire weekend before and several days after sick in bed. Great, what a way to start the year! But, in all my misery I was secretly rejoicing that it was just a cold...just a cold, not unexplained seizures, or heart problems, or some weird virus taking over my life. Just a cold, what a wonderful cold!
So while ringing in the new year and another birthday, this is what was on my mind. It was of how I'm going to take on the challenges that the new year presents. If anything that I learned last year, it's that I may not be able to control the bad things that happen in our lives, but I can control how I react to and deal with these things. Some say "Well gee you would figure she would already know that". And I do and I did, but living that truth is much different than knowing the truth.
Control....
That's almost the word that I used to use to describe myself. I liked to be in control...I would always volunteer, want to be the group leader, or do the task myself because I could control it. I could control how my husband did the laundry, how my toddler put away her toys, how my dishes were arranged and how my home was run. I was on top of it, in charge, in control and then...I wasn't. I lost control, my body wouldn't function the way I wanted it to and thereafter my home, my family, my life...I lost control. I think for the first few months that was my deep frustration, I couldn't control what was happening to me and no medical professional could figure out how to give me back that control I so desperately wanted.
Every time I thought that I had made a decision to help take back that control I was seeking, I was reminded that I wasn't in control. I blamed God, genetics, the environment, stress, anything and everything for making me sick. I was sick, lonely, lost and angry. And then something happened.... Right before I left for a hospital stay, a new friend and her husband reached out to me and prayed with me. They prayed and said something to me that I knew deep down in my heart but was too hurt to admit. "God doesn't punish and he wasn't making me sick". It was in the days after that while visiting a speciality hospital that I really thought about what he had said. I started thinking about those words, God loves me and doesn't want to see me hurt or sick. He has the power to heal and to heap on us blessings that we don't deserve, but he doesn't punish his children. And that marked the change, the change that shaped the rest of my year. I started to pray, really pray for the Power of God to Heal me, Healing, not control became my focus.
Blessings -
I began to search for those special blessings around me and found way more than I ever thought I had. I found solidarity, support and strength in my marriage and truly realized the love of a child for an imperfect parent. I found laughter and love in our little family even on my worst days. Those two people keep me sane, make me giggle and enrich my life everyday. And from there the blessings multiplied. I made new friends, real friends, real women, that care for me, support me and encourage me. And from that came new family friends, friends for Emma and now friends of friends. I made "scrapbooking" friends, silly friends, faithful friends, fun friends and friends that needed me. So many blessings in just one short year, blessings that came right when I need them.
Relationships -
Last year also marked what I would consider several turning points in my family and friend relationships. I have many "old friend" relationships that are now pretty much gone, when the going got tough and I needed help, some people didn't or couldn't answer the call. And I have had some family members do the same and it has changed my relationships there as well.
Through all of this came the answer to my prayer of healing.
Healing -
A "new" friend said something to me the other day that got me thinking about what we pray for and how prayers are answered.
My friend Vanessa is dealing with infertility and was telling me about how she had been praying and praying that God would bless her with the baby girl she so desperately wants. And how it was through the power of new friendships in her life that she found God had answered her prayer not yet with the baby she wanted but rather with what she needed.... the love and support of new "girl"friends to help her through a very rough time in her life.
I sat and thought about what Vanessa had said and about the prayers I had been asking God to hear. And I have to agree with her, that although I haven't yet found the medical healing I am looking for, what I received in bounty was personal healing in the form of new friends, closer family relationships and spiritual healing. I realize that my life is in his hands and I have to trust in him to lead me. My eyes have been opened to the true meaning of friendship and the true love of a family. I have seen my true friends rally to support me and love me for who I am. I've had friends and family send prayers and offers for every kind of small task imaginable. I've cried many a tear about how wonderful these people have been to me and how blessed I am to have them in my life.
So I did get the healing I prayed for and being the God that he is, he blessed me with exactly what I needed in my life. As I start 2010, my prayers are changing. I think that my New Year's resolution will be to not pray for things that I want, but rather to pray for God to touch my life and those around me with the blessings that we need. Because I'm not in control and that's okay with me because I know I am blessed with everything I need.
The New Year brought a new birthday, number 34. I spent the entire weekend before and several days after sick in bed. Great, what a way to start the year! But, in all my misery I was secretly rejoicing that it was just a cold...just a cold, not unexplained seizures, or heart problems, or some weird virus taking over my life. Just a cold, what a wonderful cold!
So while ringing in the new year and another birthday, this is what was on my mind. It was of how I'm going to take on the challenges that the new year presents. If anything that I learned last year, it's that I may not be able to control the bad things that happen in our lives, but I can control how I react to and deal with these things. Some say "Well gee you would figure she would already know that". And I do and I did, but living that truth is much different than knowing the truth.
Control....
That's almost the word that I used to use to describe myself. I liked to be in control...I would always volunteer, want to be the group leader, or do the task myself because I could control it. I could control how my husband did the laundry, how my toddler put away her toys, how my dishes were arranged and how my home was run. I was on top of it, in charge, in control and then...I wasn't. I lost control, my body wouldn't function the way I wanted it to and thereafter my home, my family, my life...I lost control. I think for the first few months that was my deep frustration, I couldn't control what was happening to me and no medical professional could figure out how to give me back that control I so desperately wanted.
Every time I thought that I had made a decision to help take back that control I was seeking, I was reminded that I wasn't in control. I blamed God, genetics, the environment, stress, anything and everything for making me sick. I was sick, lonely, lost and angry. And then something happened.... Right before I left for a hospital stay, a new friend and her husband reached out to me and prayed with me. They prayed and said something to me that I knew deep down in my heart but was too hurt to admit. "God doesn't punish and he wasn't making me sick". It was in the days after that while visiting a speciality hospital that I really thought about what he had said. I started thinking about those words, God loves me and doesn't want to see me hurt or sick. He has the power to heal and to heap on us blessings that we don't deserve, but he doesn't punish his children. And that marked the change, the change that shaped the rest of my year. I started to pray, really pray for the Power of God to Heal me, Healing, not control became my focus.
Blessings -
I began to search for those special blessings around me and found way more than I ever thought I had. I found solidarity, support and strength in my marriage and truly realized the love of a child for an imperfect parent. I found laughter and love in our little family even on my worst days. Those two people keep me sane, make me giggle and enrich my life everyday. And from there the blessings multiplied. I made new friends, real friends, real women, that care for me, support me and encourage me. And from that came new family friends, friends for Emma and now friends of friends. I made "scrapbooking" friends, silly friends, faithful friends, fun friends and friends that needed me. So many blessings in just one short year, blessings that came right when I need them.
Relationships -
Last year also marked what I would consider several turning points in my family and friend relationships. I have many "old friend" relationships that are now pretty much gone, when the going got tough and I needed help, some people didn't or couldn't answer the call. And I have had some family members do the same and it has changed my relationships there as well.
Through all of this came the answer to my prayer of healing.
Healing -
A "new" friend said something to me the other day that got me thinking about what we pray for and how prayers are answered.
My friend Vanessa is dealing with infertility and was telling me about how she had been praying and praying that God would bless her with the baby girl she so desperately wants. And how it was through the power of new friendships in her life that she found God had answered her prayer not yet with the baby she wanted but rather with what she needed.... the love and support of new "girl"friends to help her through a very rough time in her life.
I sat and thought about what Vanessa had said and about the prayers I had been asking God to hear. And I have to agree with her, that although I haven't yet found the medical healing I am looking for, what I received in bounty was personal healing in the form of new friends, closer family relationships and spiritual healing. I realize that my life is in his hands and I have to trust in him to lead me. My eyes have been opened to the true meaning of friendship and the true love of a family. I have seen my true friends rally to support me and love me for who I am. I've had friends and family send prayers and offers for every kind of small task imaginable. I've cried many a tear about how wonderful these people have been to me and how blessed I am to have them in my life.
So I did get the healing I prayed for and being the God that he is, he blessed me with exactly what I needed in my life. As I start 2010, my prayers are changing. I think that my New Year's resolution will be to not pray for things that I want, but rather to pray for God to touch my life and those around me with the blessings that we need. Because I'm not in control and that's okay with me because I know I am blessed with everything I need.
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Mom!!!
Mom is here!!!! Mom flew in tonight and we couldn't be more excited. Emma made her a sign and was holding it when Nana got off the plane. I have lots of adventures planned for us including moving to a new rent house! Such fun! I hope to try to be better at posting while she is here.
For now Nana and Emma are fast asleep in Emma's room, the dog is asleep at my feet and Carlos is working in his office. All is well at the Garza house. :)
For now Nana and Emma are fast asleep in Emma's room, the dog is asleep at my feet and Carlos is working in his office. All is well at the Garza house. :)
Thursday, August 27, 2009
School Has Started
Well Emma started "Big Girl School" this week. She is in PK3 at St. Matthew's Episcopal School and absolutely loving it. Leaving Linda's after over 3 years was heartbreaking but we knew it was the right decision. After a week at home with Mommy waiting on school to start Emma didn't even blink one tear on Monday. Carlos and I brought her, gave her kisses and I waited until the parking lot to shed a tear. I was just sad that our baby is growing up. Carlos of course was perfectly fine, Men!
She is so excited every day and has adjusted well to the earlier morning routine. Today she showed me a balloon she made with four bows naming "favorite things". Her favorite color - Pink, Her favorite food - Chicken Nuggets, Her favorite activity at school - Playing in the kitchen, Her favorite activity at home - "Playing baby dolls". And of course, it's a pink balloon. That's my Princess!
Tomorrow is Show and Tell Day and we are to put items in a bag to bring and share with her friends. So far she has picked her favorite thing - Wiggles the bear, her favorite book "Fat Cat Sat on the Mat", her Mickey and Minnie from her vacation to DisneyWorld and her Wubbzy for her favorite cartoon. For Monday we have to decorate a poster all about her and her family to be displayed at school. Such Fun!
She is so excited every day and has adjusted well to the earlier morning routine. Today she showed me a balloon she made with four bows naming "favorite things". Her favorite color - Pink, Her favorite food - Chicken Nuggets, Her favorite activity at school - Playing in the kitchen, Her favorite activity at home - "Playing baby dolls". And of course, it's a pink balloon. That's my Princess!
Tomorrow is Show and Tell Day and we are to put items in a bag to bring and share with her friends. So far she has picked her favorite thing - Wiggles the bear, her favorite book "Fat Cat Sat on the Mat", her Mickey and Minnie from her vacation to DisneyWorld and her Wubbzy for her favorite cartoon. For Monday we have to decorate a poster all about her and her family to be displayed at school. Such Fun!
Monday, August 3, 2009
Back in Town
We are back from a weekend in Austin. Carlos had a meeting on Saturday so Emma and I tagged along. While Carlos was "working" Emma and I checked out the Archivers scrapbook store, Toys R Us, Old Navy and Barnes and Noble. After a nice long nap at the hotel, we ate dinner with his fellow board members. The night ended with us standing in line for Amy's Ice Cream (which was sooo worth it) and eating outside.
Oh and Carlos and I had a funny moment on the way there. I was just driving and driving and Carlos was talking on the phone as usual, and we realized we were heading towards Houston and not Austin. We cut over on some back roads and finally made it to Austin!!!!
Well the back roads were so interesting that we routed another way home for Sunday. I bought a book about Historical Markers and we read about all the towns we were passing through on the way home. Interesting places included the spot where the Chisolm trail started, where the first shot of the War for Texas Independence was fired, prehistoric indian sites, stage coach sites and ghost towns. It was so much more interesting than the interstate. We even ate lunch at the Smallest Whataburger, occupancy 38!
Oh and Carlos and I had a funny moment on the way there. I was just driving and driving and Carlos was talking on the phone as usual, and we realized we were heading towards Houston and not Austin. We cut over on some back roads and finally made it to Austin!!!!
Well the back roads were so interesting that we routed another way home for Sunday. I bought a book about Historical Markers and we read about all the towns we were passing through on the way home. Interesting places included the spot where the Chisolm trail started, where the first shot of the War for Texas Independence was fired, prehistoric indian sites, stage coach sites and ghost towns. It was so much more interesting than the interstate. We even ate lunch at the Smallest Whataburger, occupancy 38!
Monday, July 27, 2009
Catching up.....
Okay, I have really got to get on the ball with this blogging thing. I spend so much time reading all the scrapbooking blogs and farming on FarmTown that I don't keep up on my own blog.
So, here it goes. Our Scott and White visit went well. Found out I don't have seizures, it's a nervous system malfunction caused by an underlying autoimmunue problem irritated by two viral infections. Got that? Good.. Fast Forward three months and I am doing better but still on the road to recovery. The new meds are helping but I am still having the seizure like jolts and chronic insomnia and fatigue. Doc also sent me to a Nutritionist who is awesome if I would only listen to her advice. :)
The summer has been fun but insanely hot! Our new niece was born and we got to go see her and all the family in early July. I forget all the cute little baby coos and cuddles, I just didn't want to put her down!!! Emma cried when we left and still doesn't understand why Nana and Pops have to live so far away.
Work has been good, I have slowly been able to help out more which is a great relief for both of us. It still feels weird working at home and sometimes (like right now) working in slippers! :)
We are currently working on our house budget to see when we can finally build this house. I am dying for some space for all my scrapbooking stuff so I can use it all more. Speaking of which, lately I have used my insomnia to get addicted to scrapbooking and specifically cricut blogs. I just can't believe all the awesome stuff out there. Carlos is always asking me what I am learning today on the computer. But really since I live in South Texas and have no Cricut friendly groups or a friend that scrapbooks, this is my only outlet to learn and share. So a blogging I go!!!!
I think that catches us up. I really have to be better and learn how to manage my own blog instead of spending so much time reading everyone elses. We'll see!
So, here it goes. Our Scott and White visit went well. Found out I don't have seizures, it's a nervous system malfunction caused by an underlying autoimmunue problem irritated by two viral infections. Got that? Good.. Fast Forward three months and I am doing better but still on the road to recovery. The new meds are helping but I am still having the seizure like jolts and chronic insomnia and fatigue. Doc also sent me to a Nutritionist who is awesome if I would only listen to her advice. :)
The summer has been fun but insanely hot! Our new niece was born and we got to go see her and all the family in early July. I forget all the cute little baby coos and cuddles, I just didn't want to put her down!!! Emma cried when we left and still doesn't understand why Nana and Pops have to live so far away.
Work has been good, I have slowly been able to help out more which is a great relief for both of us. It still feels weird working at home and sometimes (like right now) working in slippers! :)
We are currently working on our house budget to see when we can finally build this house. I am dying for some space for all my scrapbooking stuff so I can use it all more. Speaking of which, lately I have used my insomnia to get addicted to scrapbooking and specifically cricut blogs. I just can't believe all the awesome stuff out there. Carlos is always asking me what I am learning today on the computer. But really since I live in South Texas and have no Cricut friendly groups or a friend that scrapbooks, this is my only outlet to learn and share. So a blogging I go!!!!
I think that catches us up. I really have to be better and learn how to manage my own blog instead of spending so much time reading everyone elses. We'll see!
Saturday, April 18, 2009
Health Update
Well unfortunately there haven't been any positive developments on the health front. I have visited just about every specialist in the valley, except the allusive Rheumatologist, and all reply with the same answer "it seems like it is Auto Immune" to which I inquire where to get treated and am given a shoulder shrug. Grrr...
The seizures are better some days and others not. The last three days they have been terrible, my spleen area is aching again, and I am so dizzy and out of it. I sleep constantly but still feel worn out. My right eye is swollen and I have terrible sharps pains in the right side of my head.
It's so frustrating for me to feel okay one day and another just not be able to function. To feel your limbs shaking and jolts all over and in my head is so scary. For someone who always prided herself on being quickwitted, hyper organized and on top of everything, feeling confused, forgetful, dizzy and just dumb is hard for me to swallow. Needless to say, emotionally this is starting to take a toll on me.
A week from tomorrow we are heading up to Scott and White in Temple to visit a neurologist there. I am glad to be going but am apprehensive about getting to see the specialists I really need to see. Everyone just keeps telling me that once I get there I will see the right people, but I am skeptical. But Carlos, Emma and I are making the trip and will see what comes out of it.
The seizures are better some days and others not. The last three days they have been terrible, my spleen area is aching again, and I am so dizzy and out of it. I sleep constantly but still feel worn out. My right eye is swollen and I have terrible sharps pains in the right side of my head.
It's so frustrating for me to feel okay one day and another just not be able to function. To feel your limbs shaking and jolts all over and in my head is so scary. For someone who always prided herself on being quickwitted, hyper organized and on top of everything, feeling confused, forgetful, dizzy and just dumb is hard for me to swallow. Needless to say, emotionally this is starting to take a toll on me.
A week from tomorrow we are heading up to Scott and White in Temple to visit a neurologist there. I am glad to be going but am apprehensive about getting to see the specialists I really need to see. Everyone just keeps telling me that once I get there I will see the right people, but I am skeptical. But Carlos, Emma and I are making the trip and will see what comes out of it.
Emmaisms
Emma has been entertaining us recently with her neverending dialogues. Some recent goodies were:
"Mommy, God is a fairy because he has wings."
"Why do angels and God only wear white, don't they like colors?"
Pointing to her chest, "What are these Mommy?", to which I innocently repied "Those are your nipples or boobies". Emma then said "Mommy you have really big ones!" I cried so hard it hurt!
While visiting a public bathroom, Emma asked me what I was doing to which I replied "I am going to the bathroom". She then screams at the top of her lungs "My Daddy poops and farts alot in the bathroom!" Glad he wasn't there to hear that one.
"Mommy, God is a fairy because he has wings."
"Why do angels and God only wear white, don't they like colors?"
Pointing to her chest, "What are these Mommy?", to which I innocently repied "Those are your nipples or boobies". Emma then said "Mommy you have really big ones!" I cried so hard it hurt!
While visiting a public bathroom, Emma asked me what I was doing to which I replied "I am going to the bathroom". She then screams at the top of her lungs "My Daddy poops and farts alot in the bathroom!" Glad he wasn't there to hear that one.
Catching Up...
Whew, April is flying by! We just got back from an Easter trip to LA that was so fun! Emma blew bubbles, colored with chalk and played ball with Nana and Pops and got along so well with Nell. The girls dyed Easter Eggs, made the Bunny cake together and hunted Easter Eggs in the backyard. We also went to see Mike the Tiger and got some great shots of him pacing about before having a yummy dinner. Easter Sunday was very stormy but we had a great time visiting all the cousins. Emma was just playing and playing with everyone and enjoying the attention. I think we came home with more stuff than we brought! Emma cried on the way home and said she didn't want to leave Nana and Pops and go home. Then she proceeded to say things like "There's a lot of trees where Nana lives", "Nana lives so far away", "There are alligators at Nana's house", "Are we going back tomorrow?", "Are we going to Kensely's (cousin) house now?" Always entertaining that one...
Friday, March 20, 2009
Spring Break - sort of!
Well this week was Spring Break for everyone else! Luckily Carlos and I had a lot of work and I was feeling relatively well so we worked alot this week. But on Thursday we took off and went to the Arroyo to visit friends staying there. It was awesome, I am so glad we went! Carlos actually tried Knee Boarding (?) and Emma loved playing in the water. We road out to the Bay and got to see a whole pod of dolphins swimming along the boat. So cool!
Today Emma didn't have school so her and I played together, ate lunch with Daddy and went out to the property in the evening to water the trees. Emma rode her bicycle up and down the road, mooed at the cows, chased a frog, gathered rocks and helped Mommy drive the truck around. South Texas fun!
Tomorrow we are off to the Mercedes Stock Show to let Daddy look at all the animals while Emma and I probably eat too much junk food!
Today Emma didn't have school so her and I played together, ate lunch with Daddy and went out to the property in the evening to water the trees. Emma rode her bicycle up and down the road, mooed at the cows, chased a frog, gathered rocks and helped Mommy drive the truck around. South Texas fun!
Tomorrow we are off to the Mercedes Stock Show to let Daddy look at all the animals while Emma and I probably eat too much junk food!
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Cabin Fever
Well Emma has been sick for 5 days now and I am starting to get cabin fever! I have tried to pass the time by discovering more about my wonderful cricut machine, cricut design studio and I even bought a desk so I can have a dedicted place to scrapbook. But I am still longing to get in my car and just run errands. :)
Today I had a MRI on my head and tomorrow I have an EEG. (So I did get out for an hour)They are trying to figure out why my headaches are worse and about these tremors I have developed. I think it is all still linked to the recurrent viral infections I seem to be suffering from, but we'll see.
Tonight I have to stay up for most of the night for the EEG tomorrow which you are supposed to sleep through. We'll see how that goes, if I don't sleep in my own bed I don't know how I will sleep in the hospital. LOL! So it's back to the Cricut messageboards and blogs!
Today I had a MRI on my head and tomorrow I have an EEG. (So I did get out for an hour)They are trying to figure out why my headaches are worse and about these tremors I have developed. I think it is all still linked to the recurrent viral infections I seem to be suffering from, but we'll see.
Tonight I have to stay up for most of the night for the EEG tomorrow which you are supposed to sleep through. We'll see how that goes, if I don't sleep in my own bed I don't know how I will sleep in the hospital. LOL! So it's back to the Cricut messageboards and blogs!
Monday, February 16, 2009
Birthday Princess
Emma turned 3 today!!!! And the poor little thing is suffering from her first bout of a stomach virus. She missed her school party today and has just been laying down watching cartoons. Her temperature keeps spiking and she hasn't eaten anything all day long. We feel so bad that she is sick on her birthday but am glad that we had the family over this weekend for a celebration. She had an awesome time with everyone, ate lots of cake, hit the pinata, played with her Tia and cousins and met her new baby cousin Lupe. She was definitely the birthday Princess on Saturday!
Here is a picture of her from Saturday playing with her new doll furniture
And here is a picture of her from today not feeling like celebrating 
Here's hoping to a better sleep night tonight for all of us!!!
Been a while....
Well so far I haven't been keeping up with this blogging. We have been super busy spending time with Nana and Pops before they go home and planning Emma's birthday surprises. Nana and Pops are on their way home today and all of us are sad to see them go.
Since our last post:
Since our last post:
- Went to the SPI Kite Festival - next year we are going to picnic on the beach
- Celebrated our 7th Wedding Anniversary
- Spent the weekend in Austin while Carlos attended a conference. Emma loved the Austin Children's Museum!
- I had to wear a crazy three week heart monitor in the ongoing pursuit to find out what is ailing me. And had a reaction to the electrodes!
- Went to way too many doctors to count!
- Ordered a toy box and doll furniture to be built for Emma's Birthday surprise
- Bought Emma a "Big Girl" bedroom set and redid her room
- Went to the Harlingen Market Days
- Watched the Texas Citrus Fiesta Parade
- Enjoyed the South Texas sunshine
- Said goodbye to Nana and Pops on a rare South Texas rainy, cold day
Saturday, January 10, 2009
New Year, New Plans
I guess it always happens to me at the beginning of a new year...I always try something new. And this year my first task is to explore the world of blogging. We have so many family and friends scattered all about that I think this would be a good way to give a glimpse into our daily lives.
Right now this is where we are:
Right now this is where we are:
- Carlos is hunting crazy, getting up at 3 AM to go hunting every weekend. He loves it, I don't get it and Emma thinks he is playing with the animals. :)
- Emma is a little sick right now, not sleeping to good. But otherwise, she continues to amaze me with her imagination and every growing world of play. She just woke up and called me into her room to tell me her bangs are too long and she needs a haircut!
- Me, I am feeling better for the moment so trying to take advantage of it and get some things done. I never know how I will feel tomorrow so I work when I can and rest when I need to.
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Wow! We have a blog!
Hmmm, this is our first trip into the blogging world. I am anxious to get started and start blogging! I hope you use this blog to post stuff about all our family adventures.
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